How Dads can support during labour
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If you're reading this, you're probably counting down to one of the wildest, most incredible days of your life - being there for your wife as she brings your baby into the world.
We've done it four times now and yep, it's intense, but it's also the closest you'll ever feel to each other. You are already the perfect birth partner to support her through the most life-changing experience of your lives. Here are some of the ways you can help make her birth experience - and your baby's birth - peaceful, life-affirming, and nothing short of ecstatic (and by not being there, not doing these things, you can also BREAK her birth experience. You're that important in this process. Truly).
1) Remind her to go to the bathroom every 20 minutes
Seriously. When wee stores up in the bladder, it blocks the baby's exit route. That can cause not just pain when the baby is descending the birth canal, but can stall labour. This is a simple one but important.
2) Keep her fed and watered
Labour is more intense a workout than the most insane gym workout you've ever done. It pushes the human body to the limit. She's fine - her body is perfectly designed to do that successfully, but what it DOES mean is that she needs to stay fed and hydrated so that her muscles can all work effectively. You know that burning feeling when you get muscle cramp after a long and tough workout? That's lactic acid build up from muscle fatigue and improper fuelling. That's what she will experience TO THE MAX in her uterus muscles early on if she doesn't keep up her energy and hydration. (And she won't be able to stop the 'workout' to stretch it out). Sea salt in her water are the perfect electrolytes (we use these), and some high-protein food paired with natural glucose snacks (think dates, banana, honey) will keep her well-fuelled.
3) Time her Contractions (if she wants you to)
Some women find it helpful, others would rather let their body do the talking and not worry about timing. Timing alone can pull them out of their birth concentration. But if she does find this helpful - particularly in the early stage of labour, you can either time them on your phone or download a contraction timer for free. You'll need to watch her to see when the contraction is beginning to start timing, you'll see it reach its peak and then ebb away, that's when you hit the stop timing button.
4) Be Protector of the cave (This is the most important one)
When we lived in caves, the man would stand guard at the entrance to the cave where his woman was giving birth, and literally ward off any potential threats that could disturb the birth process. Today, it's more about warding off unnecessary people in the birth space than sabre tooth tigers, but you get the idea. You can field any questions that midwives and medics may have - ask them to direct them to you instead of your wife. As long as you've both discussed what she wants before hand, you'll have the answers and won't need to disturb her for a reply. Unwanted midwives, doctors, family members, pets in the room, questions for your wife - all your job. In short, protect her peaceful birth space in every way you can so she can focus on riding our her contractions and staying in her primal birth zone.
5) Set up the birth space
While she's labouring, you'll be able to tell when things start to ramp up - simply because you know her best. That's your cue to get the birth space ready. Ask her beforehand what she'd like - is she having a birth pool? Fill it, with enough time for her to get in when needed. Dim the lights to help those labour hormones along. Gather some cherished photos and place them where she can see them in between contractions, light some tea lights (or LED tealights if you're in hospital/MLU - like these). Put on her birth playlist or favourite music or film to help her stay relaxed and happy. A drop of lavender oil on a cloth can help her to relax too.
6) Be her steady rock to lean on during contractions
Physically, be her rock. Let her hang on you, lean into your chest, squeeze your hands until they go numb - whatever she needs during a contraction. If she’s having back labour (ie she's feeling it a lot in her back), pressing both of your hands, palms down and wrists together, down onto her lower back can help relieve some pressure during contractions and make them more comfortable.
7) Make her feel safe and loved
Sensual touch and physically being close to the one she loves will help her body produce the hormone oxytocin - the exact hormone needed to help keep contractions coming, and for labour and birth to progress.
You can't take away from her the intensity of birth. You can't do any of that for her. But what you CAN do is help her through it in a really meaningful way that will let her know she can ride through it. Your job is to make her feel safe, relaxed, loved and to hold the space - protect the cave. When she goes into labour, both of you need to find some time to get some rest. She'll need her energy for labour and birth, and you will also need yours. Chances are you'll be up with her for most of the labour, and as it usually happens at night, you need your beauty sleep too! Chat it over in advance, get everything ready, charge your phone, and get ready to help make your wife's birth experience, and your baby's birth, nothing short of euphoric. You're the game-changer. Don't underestimate it. You’ve got this. She’s got this. And when the baby arrives you’ll know you did it together